Weekly Trash

December 4 Trash

Still screwin with the title.

Hey there, sports fans! It’s me. Doge Stampede, here with your weekly trash!

dogemask3
What the fuck did he say to me?

The week was strange, this one right her. Some say it was the fault of some strange crusty ghost up above the sky, who looks over the American capitalism machine, who MANDATES the purchasing of STUFF just to wrap it all up in OTHER STUFF you gotta BUY, place it under a tree you gotta BUY and decorate with shit you gotta BUY, given to people you may know or claim to love so that they’ll SELL it back to the store in exchange for an EQUIVALENT piece of STUFF. I believe we have a good ol fashion conspiracy here folks. follow the money

 

 

So I have played some shit this week. I read some shit and watched some shit, but not much shit, it was mostly played shit. “Played” as a word is ridiculous, truly. Can I say shit was “plain?” I have an English degree, I think that means I get to make this shit up. “Plain” is now the past passive tense form of “play.” It will be “I play, I played, I have plain.” Court dismissed.

LOOK. I haven’t read anything new and I definitely haven’t watched anything new, because I’ve been playing everything new. That make sense? NO it doesn’t. What I mean is, I’ve been playing way too many damn new games, because Steam just up and decided they’d launch this new fangled “Holiday Sale” this week. Never heard of those things before. Must be that goddamn cursty ghost I was muttering up in the rafters. follow the money

{But for real they happen every year and offer great savings so get out there you capital pig!}

I bought some shit on Steam Sale. The only steam sale game that is, at this point, worth talking about is Ark: Survival Evolved. It’s an open world multiplayer survival game with dinosaurs. Came to early access this past summer. I’ve seen people play it, heard about it’s, and saw that it was on sale. Watched a few videos and found out that one can play the game in single player, which appealed to me since I didn’t want players griefing me while I get my barrings on the game’s mechanics. I bought it, installed it, played it. Immediately fell victim to this game’s dumbass event.

It’s winter, so there’s snow all over the island as well as tougher enemies. Because this is a survival game, you can freeze to death, and when you spawn you have nothing and you’re naked, so you will freeze to death in ten to twenty minutes. You’re supposed to get to work fast, punching (then chopping) trees down and picking apart rocks for the materials you need to build a torch and campfire. Then you have to look around for materials to craft yourself a shirt and pants. Then you starve to death because you weren’t looking for food, and when you respawn you have to run to where you corpse dropped so you can regain everything you had on you when you died. So then you craft some spears and go looking for food, but you die because this game is hard. You do manage to kill something, though, but it doesn’t have any FUCKING food on it, just some goddamn arrows for a bow YOU CAN’T EVEN CRAFT yet. And then you freeze to death.

I look forward to playing this game when the event is over. I have a few friends who play occasionally, plus I generally enjoy survival games anyway, so I’m sure it’ll be good time.

I also played Path of Exile. Not a steam sale game, as it is free to play. Really kinda enjoy this game so far as a relaxing, fairly brainless game to play through while I listen to a podcast. It has this interesting mechanic where you learn your abilities via equipping ability gems. There are three kinds of ability gems, and they’re differentiated by color and attribute. So red is strength, green is dexterity, and blue is magic. I’m playing a marauder who focuses on strength and health, so I try to get red gems mostly, but I can still equip gems from another attribute if I so choose. I just can’t level those abilities up unless I increase my dexterity or intelligence: I can only level my strength abilities, at the moment.

The game allows for a lot of customization and character building–much more so than the Diablo games, for example. Instead of active abilities, leveling grants the player passive abilities, which is how you increase your character’s attributes. The passive ability screen is just like the sphere grid from Final Fantasy X, meaning you can eventually, if you want, move over to where other classes would be to unlock their passive abilities. It would take a lot of investment so I’m not quite sure how feasible it would be to cross class like that, but having the option is quite nice.

This game also does the thing I liked in Diablo 2 a lot, where corpses would just stay on the ground. It makes you feel very satisfied with yourself when, after a battle containing a lot of enemies, you see all these bloody bodies all over the place while you walk freely over them. It’s a nice touch for a game where you’re murdering thousands of enemies.

Otherwise I’ve played some of my steam sale games, I’ve trucked along with Pillars of Eternity, and I dipped my toes in some of the games I got for Chrustma. I’ll probably talk about those next week, when I’ve no doubt had more time with them.

So as always: seel yourself away and spend some quality alone time with some shit!

Seel X Nic Cage

crusted sandwich

12/26/2015

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