Weekly Trash

December 5 Trash

Technically January but who’s giving shits not I sir haHA.

I watched a lot of YouTube this week which isn’t at anyway different from my norm. Ever since, I’d say 2008 when the platform started really getting hot, I’ve been obsessed with watching YouTube. It’s five thousand leagues more interesting than Television, because it’s such an open place. Even with more and more restrictions every year, content providers can basically do what ever they want. Of course, I tend to watch content that comes from the video game side of things, because that’s what I’m most interested in, but YouTube is also a great place for music and comedy performances. It served as a launching platform for comedians like Donald Glover and Jon Lajoie. Did you know that Jon Lajoie looks eerily similar to Keith Buckley? Who‘s Keith Buckley? Shut the fuck up. I like seeing the crazy shit people put on YouTube the end moving on.

I read more Black Company. Probably could have read more but I read much more than I have been. I love that period, when reading a new book, where the book really starts grabbing you, after the seeds have been planted and the band is all set up, ready to play, how many more shitty metaphors can I string together to make myself feel like a writer, the action starts and, well really the real story starts, commas will extend this sentence into infinity and there’s nothing you, jackass, can do about it. You fucking–oh shit a period

I’ve been playing some things too. I finally beat a boss that’s insanely hard in Puzzles and Dragons Mario Edition. Took some grinding but I did it, by the skin of my teeth. Teeth don’t have skin. I mostly played Dragon Quest Heroes (I’m not typing out that terrible, long ass subtitle) and Cawd Blops Tree.

I played a lot of Cod Blops multiplayer. I have a history of enjoying the Call of Duty games, and then refusing to buy them for a while since they come out every year with little to no change. Advanced Warfare came out last year, and they added a lot of interesting movement options which I think bettered the game itself while adding notable difference to how it plays. But I never purchased the game, seeing as how I didn’t have a current gen platform. NOW I DO HA. And the movement options are still in, along with wall running which I don’t think was in Advanced Warfare but I could be wrong. Anyway, these games are just fun to me on nights where I’m not taking the thing too fucking seriously. Which is most nights thankfully. I loved Modern Warfare, when Cod first introduced the whole leveling up system to multiplayer shooters. I like RPGs because leveling up, and because customizing your character, is fucking addicting to me. It gives me something to look forward to, something to work towards, while I’m also developing the skills necessary to play the game. When shooters have nothing but that skill development, the player potentially gets discouraged while getting gud, since they have to go through such a harsh period of sucking and dying over and over again. With Call of Duty and the games that adopted this RPG format, you have something to distract yourself. You’re always trying new loadouts, retreating to the one that is more comfortable to you so you can end the game with a fucking 1.00 KDR or whatever. Like anyone cares. Everyone cares. The trick is, just mute the bastards. And Blops Tree has the option to just mute everyone not in a party. I haven’t heard one fucking voice chat ever. That’s amazing. I also like the gun balance on this one and the killstreaks aren’t overpowered. Also the maps are kinda fun. It looks pretty and feels good. Okay? Damn. Get off my fucking back.

Dragon Quest Heroes is a fun game. It’s like Hyrule Warriors, only with Dragon Quest, so Dynasty Warriors and Dragon Quest. And the Dragon Quest is really, really well represented with the visual and audio presentation and the characters the player is presented with. Presents.

You go from mission to mission defeating waves of enemies along with big bosses while defending a certain spot critical to the mission. Usually that spot is some fucking tree branch that has a health bar. Let the bar fall to zero and you’re done, son, get the fuck out.

The game has a lot of grinding, but that’s kind of all you do in these Warriors games anyway–that’s literally the combat, you just grind. And I like grinding in action games. It’s relaxing, yet you feel productive. Sure it can get old after a while. That’s why you play multiple games at a time you fucking spazz.

The game really makes me want to play the other Dragon Quest games. I have 8, and I did dip into that a tiny bit last night, but my PS2 was acting up a little. Fucker. Might keep going in that area to see if the PS2 is going to be an issuebitch, because if it is I can just get Dragon Quest VIII when it releases on the 3DS. I’ve been playing random shit on there along with Puzzles and Dragons, like Pokemon Picross and Stretchmo. Nothing interesting, they’re literally time wasters while I view twitch or something.

Going back to Dragon Quest, there is a lot of shit in this game that you do to customize your characters, and the way the game goes about doing it is a little strenuous. You talk to a character to craft accessories, right? You do this with ingredients and those drop from specific enemies at random. But the menu you use to interact with this vendor is fucking slow. You have to watch the guy craft it, which is a simple animation co-siding a little jingle, and this is unskipable. To buy the recipes for these craftable accessories, some of which are not only very useful but vital in later missions, you have to purchase them with small medals. In the buy menu you buy these things individually you can’t just click on multiple things to buy at once, so you get to sit there and mash O through the dialogue, sit through the little jingle each time you buy something, and to get those medals you have to accomplish tasks or beat side quests which you have to accept by talking to another vendor and you can’t accept more than one and to buy and sell you have to talk to another vendor who doesn’t let you buy multiple things to save the game you talk to a vendor you can’t skip shit in this game. Keep mashing O through dialogue and you’ll just exit the menu entirely. Then when you want to change your party you have to go into the tavern and select what characters you want to use by interacting with another NPC and if you press O, or Triangle, or fucking anything else buy confirm, which requires you to press down and then X, if you even breathe, you will exit this menu with your old party. Then you’ll fucking go to a mission with them, on accident, and there’s just a lot of little tedious and frustrating things going on here. They sort of build up over time. I tend to just go from mission to mission, and save all this management shit for when I want a break from grinding, because the other thing is oh it’s goddamn time consuming. And really hard to pay attention to if you’re playing a podcast at the same time, which I’m almost always listening to a podcast because these games are usually great for that..you grind and listen to a bunch of dick heads talk. Might not be so great for this game.

But the music is great and the game is fun. It started out a cake walk but now the missions are getting more challenging. There’s one side challenge I can’t fucking beat. There’s a ton of portals pissing out hardass boss enemies, and they are all marching toward your tiny dick tree branch you’re supposed to protect. You have to close those portals by going all the way to their location, and killing the keeper. Doing this gives up defending the tree, but defend the tree too long and you get swarmed too fast rending your defense mute to begin with. It’s hard, and while this makes me rage, I love that it’s hard. Means I have to actually employ a strategy, rather than just press square. That’s how all Warriors games are, but most people see them and just assume you mash out attacks with one button and that’s it. No you idiot.

Anyway that was a lot of words and I’m going to beat this game. I need to beat more games this year anyway, and I’m pretty into this one, so I’m going to beat it. Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me. Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me. Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me.

Whiny ass Teenage Piece of Garbage who Just Discovered Cursewords



Oh, and happy fucking new year.




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