Weekly Trash

January Trash MK. 3

WHO READS I DON’T READ NEXT

WATCHING NOTHING BUT SHIT

PLAYING STUPID SHIT TOO WHO FUCKING CARES?

 

emo troll

 

 

Darkest Dungeon is a cool game. It just recently came out for real (like out of early access), and I picked it up during the big dumbass winter steam sale, so I started playing it! And people starting streaming it, so I’m doing that thing where I’m watching the stream while I’m playing the game in a minimalized window. I’ve got about 8 hours in and I’m starting to understand the basics I think. It’s deceptively simple, while being deceptively difficult at the same time. There’s a lot going on and it’s mostly laid out in a helpful mannor. There’s still some information I would like, such as who the enemy will hit when they use a move. Maybe I should try describing this game.

Darkest Dungeon is a fucking game where you, like, go into these dark dungeons and, like, try and kill things? I guess? It’s a partycentric turn based Role Playing Game with Roguelite(like) aspects, such as randomized dungeons, enemy placements, item placements, and the characters the player recruits are also funneled into their camp randomly, giving the game a great deal of chance while still making it a game about smart strategy and important decision making. There’s stuff everywhere and you can interact with it but, like, if you do that you might fuck yoself. By giving yourself a plague, or bleed? Or diseases or stress or damage. STRESS? You say. I DON’T WANT STRESS IN MY VIDEO GAME I’M LIVING A STRESSFUL GANGSTER COLLEGE LIFE I DON’T WANNA–let me cut you off there Taylor. I don’t give a shit. This game has stress and if your character like, hits a certain threshold (100), then they LITERALLY start going INNNNNSAIIIIINE. Sometimes characters actually become powerful when they break their stress threshold, but almost all of them start doing shitty things. Like screaming at other characters when they fuck up. Or they’ll start damaging themselves like a fucking emo or something? Psh. Yeah right. Like, down the highway instead of across the street you fucking emo. HA. I’m cool.

It’s a fun gameI’m also playing Dragon FUCK Quest Heroes STILL, and I’m playing lots of Doom 3, some on my own, some with Dev. I get to listen to his entire family scream about their own video games while I playing with Dev, because dude likes to bring his entire family to everything he fuckin’ does. But it’s a fun time so I don’t complain much. I always complain so you can’t get out of that, fucker.

Loot games are interesting in that they are good at giving the player a reason to keep playing over and over again, yet the player isn’t really going to have fun unless they get enough loot at a specific quality. What I mean is, if you play a game like Borderlands you’ll have fun but will probably quit because the game’s loot isn’t interesting for you to continue playing. Part of that is the game’s idiotic attempt at unique loot, in that it’s not unique it’s all just boring guns that shoot, but part of that is also that the game doesn’t funnel enough quality loot the player’s way. I mean I’ve played those games for 100s of hours but I still haven’t found anything better than stuff I get from basic quest rewards. I know there’s ridiculous legionaries that drop from bosses at chance, but fuck that. Bosses in FPS games aren’t cool. They never have been. They’re just big bullet sponges, and in Borderlands you just try and snipe their critical spots over and over watching that long ass health meter go down. Cool. Anyway, loot. Another problem is when a game gives you too much good loot. Torchlight kind of does that. You get cool stuff, and you think man I bet if I keep going I’m going to get even cooler stuff, but because you already have cool stuff and you keep getting cool stuff you spend more time in your inventory cycling around cool stuff COOL GUYS SICK!

Diablo 3 has a good balance and I’m not talking vanilla didn’t play vanilla only played the console versions and I’ve heard that loot drops more frequently in these versions or at least they did when they originally came out that was the case cool alright COOL.

Vomit.

vomit.png

Cat ninja boy was killed twenty seconds after the taking of this picture. During these twenty seconds he thought about few things. Because his brain was the size of a nipple. His brain was a nipple. So he thought of nipple things. Milk. Hair. Warts. Being positioned on a breast. Being huge, tiny, or nonexistant.

Right before his death, ninja boy cat licked his lips at the thought of another breast. What breast will I be on, thought boy cat ninja. How many fucking stars will I throw? Oh, he didn’t actually think about that at all. Because he’s a fucking nipple dude. He thought about being on a chest. And how some infant or drunk middle aged dude was going to place his lips around him and make him wet. Does that sound appetizing or uncomfortable? If you like the sound of this synopsis there’s like ten thousand goddamn episodes of this shitty show you can watched on any fucking source of content positioned on planet earth. In space they also have this content. It’s in a dumpster on fucking Pluto. No one cares.

And before you ask yes, I know how Ninja Boy Cat dies. I’m not telling you.

 

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