Been rather silent lately. Last week was busy. This week I’ve been consumed by Dynasty Warriors. There hasn’t been enough Dark Souls III going on. I feel odd not writing, or updating this thing, so here’s a quick update:
Part of that is due to Anor Londo being fucking hard. I’m not bitching. I love it. But as a human being you’ve got to be in the right mind set to overcome something that is difficult when you are just attempting to relax. Do I punish myself over and over against a boss I’ve spent an hour on, or do I murder thousands of drone soldiers based on Chinese history, with officers that are well endowed and wield ginormous fantastical weapons capable of such massive destruction? The answer to this long, convoluted question I would never place inside a body of serious writing is yes, I do enjoy Doritos but only on occasion. The flavor dust seriously kills it. I hate getting that shit on my hands. What do you do with flavor dust? Do you lick it off your hands like a barbarian, do you wipe it off with a napkin only to achieve half of your desired goal, or do you wash it off in the sink like a barbarian? Either way, really, you’re diminishing your citizenship, nay your humanity, to that of a cave dweller.
I picture cave dwellers, who existed with the dinosaurs obviously, hunched over bats of Doritos. Like Roland from Dark Tower drinking Pepsi for the first time, these dirty men and women exist addicted from the very first sniff, not knowing cheese nor nacho, not even knowing off Buffalo Wings or Ranch, these dirt folk crunch on insanity and they loose their fucking minds. Suddenly, they cannot hunt. Or gather. Leaving the cave becomes impossible. They develop thick folds of fatty skin, tissues binding their asses onto stone-carved chairs that will later become more comfortable when they’re sown together with human skin and bone. Because he who munch the last Dorito dies. Simple as that. Lord Dorito gets a brand new throne. Everyone bow, and lick his holy cankles.
So yeah, I’m diggin’ on Dynasty Warriors again. I had purchased 8 Xtreme Legends Complete Edition last fall, and stumbled upon 8 Empires as well as Samurai Warriors 4 recently. My only review up thus far is a museo game with Dragon Quest characters. It was pretty good, but I vastly prefer these Dynasty Warriors games. The characters are so much more over the top, and I like the story about conquering China. Samurai Warriors is also cool, and it’s similar only Japan. So Nobunaga. Samurai Warriors 4 plays faster than Dynasty Warriors 8, but I’ve been spending more time playing DW8 Empires. It’s a strategy game where you play as a character and you choose what you want to do during the warring periods in China. You can become a leader and conquer the land, you can become an officer and help another character conquer a land. You can wander China and assist where you want. You can be a bandit and ambush nations to weaken their defenses. You can marry. You can create your own scenarios, your own characters, your own armies with their own flag and horse design. It’s a really, really cool sandbox. My only real issue is that weapons and levels don’t transfer to new games, and finding better weapons is convoluted. I’m looking forward to building my own scenario and going to town. It’ll be greato.
By the way I fucking beat Anor Lono you asslords. Calm down. I’m making progress through the damn dungeons. Calm. Yo. Ass.
Oh, and #FreeTheCankle.