Countdowns · Weekly Trash

October Trash Top Five Dark Souls Weapons

It’s me. It’s me. It’s that D O double G.

Radio Silence due to inevitable unfixing of the ceiling in my office. My PC is still sleeping, unplugged on my dinning room table beneath towels and shirts. May she Rest in Piece. Or pieces. Because it’s a PC. They have many pieces.

So here’s a little update.

bleacher report

I saw a WWE event live–Clash of Champions! It was a pretty good and I was glad to see boys Chris Jericho, Seth Rollins, and Kevin Owens, as well as Gallows and Anderson, girls Bayley and Sasha, and bigboy Rusev. Every match was either good, or fun to observe within a crowd. I loved the back-and-forth chanting during the Rusev vs Reigns match. It was fun to be one of only two screaming men booing Roman Reigns in a sea of his fans. I also enjoyed hearing a little boy softly ask his father why we would be cheering for Rusev.


I am deeply looking forward to seeing Smackdown when it comes back around here next year. I can’t wait to be apart of the John Cena memes in person.

re4 mabe.jpg

It’s October and that means I WANT HORROR. So I’ve been replaying Resident Evil 4, this time on the released HD edition that came to PS4 in July or whatever. It’s so much fucking fun and I’m glad to be playing it again. When it initially came out I claimed it was my favorite video game of all time, and then I proceeded to never, ever beat it, so hopefully this time I complete this sumbitch! I think I will. Although the graphics and the controls are dated, and although this edition has some weird frame issues and a weird phenomena with the aim juttering everywhere, the action holds up significantly well. I loved Resident Evil for its tension made possible by critics’ major gripe, the fact that one must stop and aim in order to shoot. No walking, or running, whilst shooting at the same time. One day I will write an entire blog entry dedicated to this, and other control decisions that make the game what it is. In the example of Resident Evil 4, you get your tension, therefor most of the horror, from this restricted movement.

Also have you ever shot a gun? You kinda need to be still if you want to AIM PROPERLY. Dickheads.


Other than that I’ve been replaying Dark Souls III, trucking on with Dragon Quest VII, and slowly enjoying Ratchet & Clank Going Commando in between. I’ve also been playing A LOT of WWE 2k16 because interest peeked and caused my preorder of WWE 2k17 last week. Something about going to a live event makes you fall deeper into the wrestle hole, and I became a frothing idiot over wrestling games all over again. I’m trying to finish out my storylines in the Universe of 2k16 so that I can be ready to start again with more and different stories next week. Dragon Quest Builders also comes out next week, on the same day, and at the same time a Dark Souls event called Return to Lordran begins today–where Dark Souls players are starting over fresh with new characters to participate in multiplayer. I planned for that. Even purchased a PS3 copy to properly enjoy my time (I never want to plug my 360 in again). But I’m not feeling it. I’d rather finish my stories in Universe, or play Resident Evil 4. Oh well, maybe next year? Or tomorrow. My gaming habits are sporadic at best. You know that, America.

Shuddup America.

tldr I’m playing games and looking forward to games okay nothing new

hulk hogan face

Here’s another thing I will do yeah? Just to add some weight (fluff) to today’s weekly garbage, I’ll list my

Top Five Dark Souls Weapons

This means across the three games. Bloodborne is not included. I will list my favorite five across the games, and I’ll list which games I primarily used them.

Also take this into consideration: I’m not one to engage in PvP. I’m not one to complete builds, or level them to a community perceived meta. Thus far I have played each of the three games a few times, beating them with different characters whom use different weapons. That said, there are some weapons I have fond memories of in that they were important in my victory over the game, or plainly fun to use. When multiplayer is concerned I have engaged with some invading, and a bit of dueling in Dark Souls 2. I mostly coop bosses when I multiplayer in DS. I’m mostly a PvE guy. That’s Player vs Environment, people! Cool.

Also I’m not including miracles, pyromancies, or sorceries. Those are spells. Spells ain’t weapons. That’s a whole ‘nother countdown you stupid idiot!

With all that said, let’s do it to it.

5. Large Club (Dark Souls and Dark Souls II)

large club.jpg
Jolly Cooperation Brothers

Pancaking is a method of smashing enemies straight to the ground as though you’re smashing a pancake to the bottom of a pan with your spatula. In Dark Souls you want to two hand a large club (or another great hammer class) and r2 an enemy, because it immediately sends that enemy to the floor flat on their back. Satisfying.

The large club, in my opinion, has a better moveset than the great club and it doesn’t have the requirements, or the weight. It also gets an S scaling in Strength making it great for strength builds and it’s surprisingly effective against just about every enemy in the game. I first used this weapon in Dark Souls the first when I replayed a character on New Game Plus boosting up strength, and I loved it. Moving on to Dark Souls II I used the large club once again when they FUCKING NERFED FAITH and made me go pure strength. I have this one great memory cooping against the Old Iron King. I spawn in as a sunbro and I have a large club. The other summon has a large club. The host had two large clubs, and he was power stancing them. Together, we beat the old iron king, which admittedly is one of the easiest bosses in the game, in five seconds. As the boss sunk into the ocean of lava, we ran around smashing the ground in barbaric celebration. It was the best.

When you want to feel like a barbarian warrior look no further than the large club. Flex up your strength and you won’t be disappointed.

4. Bastard AND Claymore (Dark Souls II and III)

bastard sword.jpg

This is a bit of a cheat and I don’t care these two weapons are largely the same differing only by their scaling and one or two moves.

I fell in love with the bastard sword on Dark Souls II. The two swords strike just quick enough in wide swings that take out groups of enemies while consuming enough stamina to leave room for dodging and blocking. In Dark Souls III I used the bastard sword my first playthrough and I loved it just as much. The weapons art is really good in that it can bash away shield to provide an opportunity to cut anything down to bits.

The biggest problem with the bastard is how predictable it is–thus how easy it is to parry and dodge. So for PvP this weapon is generally trash. I have won few duels using the sword, but not enough to make a full PvP centered build around it. Which is fine, because I don’t do that anyway.

Now the claymore is good because of its nice, long stabbing move that the bastard doesn’t have. Thrust damage is generally thought to be better against most enemies than strike damage, and the claymore has the ability to inflect both. Couple that flexibility with the damage and you’ve got a great PvE weapon for a quality build.

Both weapons are good quality build weapons with bastard sword favoring strength and the claymore dexterity. If you want to be a knight with fancy armor and a large sword, but you also want more actions to spend with your stamina bar, these weapons are good.

3. Long Sword (Dark Souls II and III)

keyword suggestions

The long sword is a basic weapon, but one any build can utilize. And utilize well. It has an amazing moveset complete with strike and stab attacks (similar to the claymore) and players can spam regular attacks for days (especially in Dark Souls III). The basic quality scaling this weapon is such that it becomes suitable for buffs and infusions, and this makes the weapon suitable for every build in the game. I always have a leveled longsword to compliment whatever primary weapon I have, and on caster builds I almost always use the longsword as a primary weapon. It’s probably the most flexible weapon in the entire series.

I first used this weapon in Dark Souls II. In one of the beginning areas you get access to a fire infused longsword, and very early on that thing is godlike. I’ve had playthroughs where the weapon, albeit with a few levels, carries me through the entire game.

In Dark Souls III the weapon is good because it’s a straight sword, and straight swords are fucking insane. With the lack of poise in the game players can R1 all day and stagger players until they’re dead, or close enough. It’s insane. Well worth using until you get the dark sword, or until you level dex and use the estoc.

A great weapon for learning the game. A great weapon as backup. A great weapon for caster builds. This weapon is good for everyone.

2. Moonlight Greatsword

Moonlight great.png

Perhaps the coolest looking great sword ever made, the moonlight great sword is an all time favorite of mine. It has a good moveset, and cool magical attack, and what’s perhaps coolest of all, you have to work for it. In Dark Souls you had to cut off Seath’s tale, which admittedly I’ve never been able to do. In Dark Souls II, you had to beat a new game plus version of Duke’s Dear Freja and exchange her soul. When I was originally fighting this powered up version of the two headed spider every player I summoned was under the impression that we were fighting regular Freja, so every time she popped off with one of her new-game-plus-moves, it caught them off guard and they died. It was so satisfying getting this weapon–definitely a cherished, favorite moment in Dark Souls as a whole for me. In Dark Souls III you must defeat Oceiros, the Consumed King, and exchange his soul. While I did do this, I have yet to use the weapon because it requires a specific build–and this build is another way the player must earn the ability to use the sword.

You must have 16 strength, 10 dexterity, and 28 in intelligence, making this a weapon for an intelligence build. Generally, players making an intelligence build would invest everything in Int and forget other stats other than what they need for their light equipment loads. This is a big weapon that requires at least some investment in strength. Also, when you think greatsword you think strength! Right? And here you don’t need to invest anything in strength beyond 16 to get more damage, because the weapon only scales of INT! But it has an A scaling! Yo!

I used this thing in Dark Souls II, but I’ve always wanted to use it in I and III. I hope to make builds in those games soon that can utilize the thing. However in the initial days of Dark Souls II PvP, players could buff their moonlight greatsword with crystal magic weapon, making it a powerhouse! I was killing players in three hits in PvP, and it felt badass! Then they nerfed this strategy by disabling the buff to the sword, making it a mediocre piece of equipment that was easily parried and dodged. The thing was already easy to parry and dodge but if you hit you could kill in a couple of hits! That’s balanced right?


Look the sword looks fucking cool that’s all there is to say. If you’re looking for flash in your great sword, or something heavy hitting in your INT build, this weapon is pretty cool I guess.

Honorable Mentions

Black Knight Halberd from Dark Souls–best moveset in the game coupled with amazing damage and reasonable stat requirements. A weapons that deserves more playing with, as I haven’t put enough time with it thus far.

Great Ax from Dark Souls. I love this weapon in all the games but I had most of my fun in Dark Souls the first. I loved using it in PvP, where I scored my first victory ever over an invader, due to its very standard moveset and rather high damage. It’s highly unpredictable in that the strikes are very fast for such a heavy weapon, and I imagine it’s not widely used enough to become predictable in PvP. It’s great in PvE for it’s straight attacks–everything in front of you is going to get smashed by this weapon.

Great Sword from Dark Souls II and III. It’s a giant Guts sword because Dark Souls is actually Berserk and is intended for Berserk cosplays dude. Great moveset, great damage, highly suitable for strength builds, and anime. I love the inclusion of the uppercut and I’ve had many a hilarious duel end in punks uppercutting me off the dueling bridge in Dark Souls II. You Mortal Kbastards.

Halberd from Dark Souls II. Stab while holding shields. Wide slice. Spin to win. What’s not to love (hate)?

Quelaag’s Fury Sword from Dark Souls. What you get for exchanging Kellog’s soul. A great weapon, doesn’t require much in terms of stat investment, and if you hold a ton of humanity you get a huge increase in damage. Cool moveset too. I think this was the first weapon I ever got into in Dark Souls, but I’m not sure that I beat the game with it the first time. That was probably the Zweihander.

Would have put the Zweihander here but it was trash in Dark Souls II and I haven’t heard anything better about Dark Souls III’s incarnation. It was really good in the first game. That’s it.

1. Crypt Blacksword


I LOVE this weapon! Okay, firstly it looks fucking amazing. Secondly, it has an amazing moveset that’s like a combination of a greats word and a great ax. Thirdly it does amazing damage and it can be buffed.

Obviously I’m partial to big weapons that do a lot of damage. I guess that’s why I never got into PvP, but these weapons are amazing in PvE. Put up the shield. Roll through attacks. Smash their back. You usually do enough damage that everything dies before you commit too much a fatal error. Works out great. Looks great. FEELS GREAT.

And this sword feels amazing. Like a chunky piece of obsidian. And you swing it fast in a forward rotation like you would an ax, preventing it from clanging off walls in tight corridors. But then every it crashes into the ground you hear and see chunks of pavement flying from where it strikes, giving the weapon a sense of heaviness.


You can infuse and buff it, and when you do so both with dark it does insane damage. Also, it looks like a Popsicle. That’s pretty funny.

youtube oronerdscruboro

That’s it really here’s a hotdog bye


PAGW–Phat Ass Great Weapons



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