Weekly Trash

November Trash -1. “The Top 10.” Garbage. Waste.

It’s finally November hurray! A month for gorging yourself, if your American, and wasting your potential for voting for the greater of two evils (OR YOU COULD VOTE FOR DONALD DUCK), if your American. It’s also the month novelists are supposed to finish their novels. I’m not doing that at all! You gotta have a fucking novel to commit yourself to that! What I am doing, and I do this every year regardless of rhyme, reason, or blog, is think about my top 10 video games of the year! Whoa! Nerd! Yeah!

Too many exclamation marks 


Please stop yelling

Fine. Instead of debating with America (who is in fact a portion of my brain that occupies how I see an audience that doesn’t exist (an audience of assholes, mind you (I’m saying my actual audience is actually nice and not assholes (love you)))) I will take this opportunity to examine my top ten list of 2016, and how I view those games now. Unlike my top ten games of all time, also written last year and subject to alteration as I see fit (I’ve thought heavily about changing that thing too many fucking FPS games), my top ten video games in any year is an article written and finished under the assumption that I will never touch the document again unless I go on a cocaine binge and spend that extra energy on editing old blogs. WOULDN’T THAT BE A USEFUL WAY TO HAVE A FEW LAUGHS. So I’m not going to go back and change something just because I disagree with myself.

That would be like talking to myself. Obviously, I don’t do that.

What? Where do you see proof?


So the article in question is here and feel free to browse through it if you’ve never read it before, if you have and wanted to remember, or if you’re keen to waste your time on my trash writings. That’s what you’re doing now, I suppose, so I can’t blame you for wanting to do it some more. I mean you might want context for this piece of trash I’m currently pecking out on my mother’s dusty keyboard.

Well the first thing I noticed was my two most important countdowns aren’t in the category called “countdowns.” I’m not a web designer, folks. I just write shit and throw it in the trash. Sometimes, instead of the trash, I write it and put it on here. Then I try to plaster it together in some kind of mediocrely organized way. Don’t tell me that word doesn’t exi-The second thing I realized, and you’ve probably caught it by now but I don’t mind letting that mistake slip, is that I’ve been referring to this countdown as the top ten of 2016. IT WAS 2015 GOT YOU FOOLED YOU I’m so preoccupied with trying to think about 2016’s list that I SLIPPED UP HA. HA.

So right away, if I were writing this list this far into 2016, I would take off Fallout 4 and The Witcher 3. Those are both games I have gotten rid of because I just don’t want to revisit them to complete them. And it’s a shame, because both of these games did grab me, and they both held on for many, many hours. But with longer games I have to really push myself to finish them, and with many games coming out throughout the year that grab my attention with stronger velocity, I’d much rather put them down and just never return.

I’d rather play Metal Gear Solid V, a video game I actually didn’t consider for the list at all because something similar happened. But when it comes to open world games, I like the idea of Metal Gear Solid V more because firstly it has amazing gameplay and secondly it’s structured as more of a check list meaning completion has a more satisfying and clear to understand aspect to it. If you’re trying to complete a game by looking at a map cluttered with mission icons…well I just give up. And I don’t need another reason to give up on a game do I?

In their place I would submit Dragon Quest Heroes and Crypt of the Necrodancer. Crypt is such a fun game, and I don’t think I played it enough once I had written this review. I returned to it over the summer during the month or so when I was obsessed with roguelikes and I discovered that to be the case–I didn’t spend nearly the amount of time with the game as I thought. Perhaps the game’s strange year-long early release cycle confused me. That certainly wasn’t the case with Nuclear Dawn, which I rather high up on the list. But that game is incredible, as is DQ Heroes. Heroes completely woke this deep obsession with Dragon Quest, and I tamed that obsession diligently this year by playing three of the series’ titles. I am not a fan for life of this franchise and I owe that all to Heroes even with its problems and faults. I certainly hold a higher place in my heart for Dragon Quest Heroes than fucking FALLOUT 4. Goddamn what a boring ass video game–I can’t wait to buy it next year when I see it for really cheap. I am a whore, but at least I’m predictable. I’ll have to finish that weird FanFictiony tale about some woman named after Doritos and Mountain Dew sometime.

I mostly agree with the order of this list. Rocket League may be lower. I like that game but I didn’t play it much. Axiom Verge and Steamworld Heist would be lower. I’ve actually wanted to return to Steamworld Heist so even this opinion may change, and I may feel that game deserves to be higher. Eh, I don’t know. Part of me wants to see Mario Maker dethrone Bloodborne for the number one spot, but then I think about how I’ve wanted to revisit Bloodborne, and how much dust as piled on my WiiU. When you get a good dust collection you just don’t want to disturb it, you know? I earned that fucking dust I ain’t about to throw it all away. Is Splatton really the third best game of that year? Really? I mean, probably. I was surprised. Maybe I wrote that to surprise people. That’d be a dumb reason but honestly it totally could have been the case. Glad I’m undercutting myself and doing a good job of selling my product as shitty and with mixed, hidden tenses.

I am not a game’s critic.

Anytime I see Pillars of Eternity anywhere I get sad. That game is such a good fucking video game that I will never bring myself to play because I’m too busy jumping around. I loved the writing. I loved the feeling that I had no idea what I was doing but I still got through everything okay. It was a real adventure in that respect. In comparison you go through other WRPGs like Witcher and Fallout feeling like a fucking badass because you’re blowing shit up and cutting off limbs and finding badass loot. You kind of do that in Pillars but the system doesn’t really allow you to become a fearless badass. If you aren’t thinking in a combat scenario you will die, even against peasants or rats or other trash mobs. I kept thinking I’m building this character wrong or my party isn’t correctly composed. As I do with every RPG. But then I get through encounters successfully. And I don’t really get through them feeling like I emerged a badass. I feel like I emerged by the skin of my teeth, with party members almost dead, and spells completely depleted causing the party to need rest for the remainder of the day.

Goddamnit what a good game.

That’s about all I have to say about an older blog entry of mine. Does it seem rather self-loving to write about my own writing? Fuck you writers do it all the time. We don’t need excuses to write we fucking HAVE to write. It’s who we are.

Go bully actors at least they’re paid more.

Now how does this year look? Looking down the releases of last year, which I praised quite highly mind you, I almost feel like 2016 was a better year for video games in terms of quality releases. I’m looking at a list about a mile long of games I want to play, many of which I want to complete, before even writing a top ten for 2016. And that’s surprising, because earlier this year I actually had a thought that I wouldn’t be feeling this way.


Like every year. Donavan.

Shut up America.

My idea was to not write a top ten games of 2016. That instead I’d write a top ten games I played in 2016 full of games that released in other years mixed in with games I enjoyed from this year. Now that I know I’ll have more than ten games I enjoyed this year, I’ve decided to do both.

Before 2016 ends (likely in December) I’m going to publish a list of games (probably fifteen or twenty) of my top games I played in the year 2016. This will be that mix I mentioned of games that released in years previous as well as games that released in the year 2016. As long as I played them this year and enjoyed them to the point I’d consider them for a list, they’re on that fucking list got it?

Then later next year at an unidentified point I’m going to write a top ten list for the year 2016. I’ll have had enough time to play games, and beat games, which will make for a complete list. I will then do something similar to what I just wrote where I review the list, and I’ll talk about the things that could be different, making this whole waiting process invalid because nothing is complete and everything could be improved.

Even you.

But that’s where I’m at, and I just felt like letting you all know. I hope your Halloween was full of excitement, I hope you make healthy decisions this Thanksgiving, find amazing deals on Black Friday, and forget Christmas that’s the worst holiday.

Vote for Donald Duck. Subscribe to The Holiday Boy. Stay tuned for more video game garbage. Video gamarbage?

unedited and unscripted





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